10X Bolder with Nora McIntosh
A bolder you awaits. Host Nora McIntosh dives into the moments of fear and uncertainty that define our lives—and how to break free from them. Featuring raw, relatable stories of what it means to live ten times bolder.
10X Bolder with Nora McIntosh
When Boldness Feels Out of Reach
Too stuck to dream big or unsure where to begin? This episode shares how to get unstuck, overcome fear of outcomes, and take bold steps toward alignment. You don't have to have it all figured out—just start where you are. Your boldness matters!
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Hi, friends, and welcome back to another episode of the 10xBoulder podcast. I'm Nora. First of all, I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to listen so far to the podcast and share it, and especially thank you to those of you who have reached out to me directly with your feedback and also your stories of what has happened since you listened to the podcast. I didn't know what to expect. When I launched the podcast in May, I hoped that at least one person would find it encouraging, but some of the stories that I've heard have truly blown my mind. Have truly blown my mind. For example, within a day and a half of the Option Unicorn episode dropping, two different people reached out to tell me that they listened to that episode either right before or right after learning that they were losing their jobs and, of course, that's never fun news to get. But both of them told me that listening to Option Unicorn helped them start to dream about what was beyond that setback and even start to get excited about what Option Unicorn would look like in their next career move. Another guy reached out to tell me that he was inspired, at least in part, by the podcast to shoot his shot with a woman that he's known for a very long time. Apparently, he always had an interest in her, but the timing was just never right. But they recently reconnected and now they're both single and he decided to let her know how he felt, and things have apparently been going well and she's going to be visiting him soon. So, anyways, I'm very excited to hear where that goes. But it just goes to show that you never know what can happen when you take that step of boldness, whether it's sliding into a DM, whether it's dreaming about your next career move or, in my case, whether it's starting a podcast. So, again, I just want to say thank you for the response so far. I'm truly honored and I am so excited to see what happens next.
Speaker 1:So, with that said, I wanted to introduce the topic of today's episode, which is what to do when you feel a little bit stuck when it comes to knowing what you would even want to do if you were 10 times bolder. I had friend, a good friend reach out to me and essentially ask me about this. She said nora, I love this concept of being 10 times bolder, but one problem I actually have no idea what I would even want to do if I was 10 times bolder. I don't even know how to access that headspace and even more than that, I have a really hard time with letting go of the outcome when I start to dream like that. I know it's about more of the process than the outcome, but I really still want a certain outcome and I don't know how to be open-handed with that. I don't know if any of you can resonate with that, but I definitely can, and I think it's a really important topic because I think that that can be a big mental roadblock to getting unstuck and starting to live differently than we have been, and so it's an important question to think about, and so I wanted to split this into two parts and to kind of unpack it a little bit, and hopefully this is helpful for some of you.
Speaker 1:The first thing that I would say, or that I would really ask you, is what does margin look like in your life? I know that for me, um, I'm typically, you know, a big dreamer. I a big picture person, and I don't have as much of a hard time getting a vision for something as I do of executing it, but obviously I'm working on it, I'm getting better, but, yeah, normally that's not an area that I struggle with, however, that has. There have been a few times in my life where I have really felt that way, and it's usually been times where, in general in life, I felt overwhelmed. One one time that really stands out to me is when I was at a happy hour with coworkers several years ago and we were talking about goals and dreams and I said like, yeah, I'm a big goals and dreams person. I just love thinking about stuff like that. And so they asked me oh, okay, great, what are some of your dreams right now? And I got put on the spot and then I thought about it and realized I actually have no idea. The biggest thing I could think of was I wanted to win something on the radio and the other stuff was just like to-do list items. And one of the guys said, um, nora, we could easily knock those out if we tried, like this month or this week even, and those are pretty doable. And I realized that he was right. And that was really a canary in the coal mine for me of how I was feeling just in general at that time.
Speaker 1:At that time I was really coming out of a pretty traumatic experience that I had had at a previous church and I also just had a lot of tabs open in my mind. I had just moved and was settling into a new community and location and also I was reeling from some really hard stuff that I still didn't know how to make sense of. I also was working full-time at a job that I found challenging and just some other things were going on to the point where I just was over functioning and I wasn't really feeling like I had the space or the time to rest in the way that I needed to. I was so focused on getting everything done that I needed to and rushing around and checking everything off my list that I didn't have any margin to just be. And I really realized later that I was in survival mode. And the thing about survival mode is that it's really almost impossible to even dream or really think about things like self-actualization and how could life be if it was different, because you're so focused on just surviving and getting by day to day. And that's where I was at.
Speaker 1:But I was so in survival mode and I actually had things on lockdown like I actually was functioning very effectively, so I didn't realize just how much I did not feel like I had that space and, honestly, I didn't feel safe. I didn't have the kind of encouragement that I really need to thrive, and so when I was in that time, you know, I would not have had the capacity to really dream very big or do things like make a podcast. All I could really do was take the next right step for me to feel safe. Like I said, I've moved to a place that felt better for me. I eventually changed churches, I started seeking out safe people, I started really just to take things off my plate and and slow down.
Speaker 1:You know, with the whole dreaming big and being ten times bolder thing, I get a picture of a train on the tracks, running at full steam ahead, firing on all cylinders. But the thing about a train is that it takes a while to build up speed. And a train starts from a standstill and it has a lot of inertia and you have to exert a lot of force on it to even push it a little bit, but slowly it picks up steam and eventually it gets to full speed. And so I want to say to anybody who feels stuck or like they're in survival mode don't expect yourself to get to full steam overnight. It takes time to build up to that and I think actually the best thing you can do is really slow down and take note of yourself and how you're feeling in your body. Do you feel safe? Do you have the margin to even get in touch with how you're feeling? Do you need to take something off your plate? Is there something that isn't life-giving for you? Is there somebody that you can talk to to share what you're needing? And go from there? You know, I came out of that time and I did the steps that I mentioned and I moved to a really peaceful, beautiful area, first in San Francisco, right by the Golden Gate Park, and I would just go on long walks to Golden Gate Park every weekend and I just took in the beauty of my surroundings and I made friends with a guy who dragged his piano out into the middle of the music concourse and just played this beautiful music and I just appreciated being surrounded by museums and nature and just took pictures of things that I found pretty.
Speaker 1:And then later on I moved down to the peninsula and was in this gorgeous house that was right next to Burlingame Avenue. I could just walk to get dinner somewhere or get groceries, and it was just a very peaceful rhythm of life that made me feel really safe and really relaxed. And once I kind of got to a place where I wasn't surviving anymore, where I felt more safe, I was able to slow down enough to notice what was around me and God really started speaking to me through that. And that's when I actually started to build up that momentum of oh wow, I'm noticing that, that, you know, even this tree is really speaking to me and that that makes me feel so good and so relaxed. Oh, and it's not about me trying to figure out my whole life right now. It's just about seeing how beautiful this tree is. And that might sound stupid and that might sound lame or I don't know how that sounds actually, but it really does make a difference. And psychologists talk about glimmers, where you just notice like it's the opposite of trigger, I guess where you just notice like little micro moments of joy and pleasure or things that just really speak to you. And so I started experiencing more and more of those and I actually started to look for them.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you guys know remember the show blues clues. It's kind of old but now? But you know, it's this cartoon dog who would place his paw and a paw print on different things in the tv show to provide a clue, for actually I don't even know what the clue is, for I don't think there was like a crime or anything that happened on that show, but anyways, I would look for these blues clues of what god was saying to me. One time it was I. I really started to notice pictures of the golden gate bridge everywhere and I was like, oh, the Golden Gate Bridge is so pretty. And so I decided to go to the Presidio and just be there near the Golden Gate Bridge and from there I went to the Walt Disney Family Museum and I ended up watching a video about Walt Disney and I was really moved by his vision and his life and how creative he is vision and his life and how creative he is and I actually started crying because I was just so inspired but also a little bit frustrated because I saw what it looked like in another human being to live out the way he was created, to be so creative.
Speaker 1:And I wanted to do the same thing, but I didn't know how, and so I was just like God, I don't know what to do. I just really am trying so hard to connect with you and like what, what do I do to really align with the way that you made me? Because I'm just tired of trying to figure it out, I'm tired of surviving, I'm just tired. And in that moment I just felt so much peace come over me and I got a lot of a sense of clarity about the way that I'm made and that it's okay to not have it all figured out. I'm not supposed to have it all figured out. I'm a big picture people person and I love bringing people together to see something, come together to really create something. I didn't have to figure that out overnight. I could just take the next right step and the next right step.
Speaker 1:And you know, all of this clarity came not from analyzing myself and not from doing what conventional wisdom says.
Speaker 1:You know, reading a book or talking to a coach those things can be great, but sometimes, sometimes slowing down is the best way to speed up because you get that clarity of the next right step and then that's the thing that brings alignment and momentum and acceleration.
Speaker 1:And it looks different for everybody and I feel like my process might be more abstract than for some other people, but that's how it worked for me as a unique individual, and slowing down enough to get that clarity of the way that I was made and to be okay with who I am, versus comparing myself to other people and their process, is really the only way that I or I think, anybody can really stay aligned with what's congruent for me. So, anyways, all that to say, do you have margin in your life in order to get that kind of clarity? A lot of people are running around like chickens with their heads cut off, especially where I live in Silicon Valley, you know. The question oh, what do you do? Is basically the Silicon Valley version of how are you? And that's all about what you do and what your job is and how productive are you.
Speaker 1:And I get it because, you know, we live in a place that is producing a lot of technology and it's changing the world, but at the same time, I believe that innovation comes from inspiration and clarity. And burning yourself out and running around and always hustling, I don't think that that's actually as productive as people seem to believe it is. The second part of my friend's question that I wanted to address is what about when I have a really hard time letting go of the outcome of what happens when I start to dream big or be 10 times bolder? What if it's really hard for me to be open-handed with the outcome of whatever comes of that? And, like I said, I totally relate to this and I I'm sure a lot of you can as well. And the first thing I want to say is that it's not inherently bad to want something. I think a lot of our desires are are good not all of them. I think some desires do come from a place of lack of truth or maybe not the healthiest place, but a lot of them are good. And at the same time, I would say that if there is something that you are contemplating, stepping out in and trying something new that you want to try or ask for or do. Don't do it for the outcome. Do it to align, and by that I mean align with the truth of who you really are, based on what God says about you, or if you don't believe in God or you still see him as a scary, angry dad who's mad at you and doesn't want to give you anything. What does a kind, loving family member or friend say? Or what would they say if you could just picture them in your mind? And does that line up with what you believe about yourself and how you walk out life?
Speaker 1:For me, I'm not in alignment in all of those areas. For example, I know that I'm a creative person. I believe that we were all created by a creator in his image, and so God is creative. If he's creating everything, he's creative. He made penguins, and if God's creative, that means that I'm creative. So I know that in my head, and also I know that I feel most alive when I'm creating something. But honestly, day to day in my career, I'm mostly pretty technical and analytical and I'm not really creating as much as I really want to in order to be in alignment with the way that I made a very important part of the way that I made, and so I want to make this podcast, because I mean, of course, I want people to view it, but even more so I decided that I was going to do it because it's aligning with me being creative, and so that's the thing that really helped me get over the hurdle of perfectionism and putting this podcast out.
Speaker 1:Candidly, I thought that the first episode was actually probably not very good. You know, for any of you who are creative, I'm sure you can relate we're always our own biggest critics when we're making something, and all we can see are what we think are the flaws. And you know, I could see some things that, um, that I wasn't so sure about, but I actually think that that's a very big lie that holds a lot of us back from doing doing things and stepping into our destiny, me included. And so just making a podcast that I thought was kind of not that great and then seeing the response is very humbling, and so it's really inspiring me to keep going, and I hope that for any of you that are wanting to take a step or maybe a creative risk or start a new project or something that you've had on your mind for a while to do, but there's a voice in your head saying things like oh, I'll do this when I have more time, or I'll do this when you know I can really make it perfect, because it's not going to be perfect if I do it right now. Or you know who am I to even do something like that, if that sounds like you and this is resonating with you at all, and maybe you have a project that you want to step into, but this voice is holding you back.
Speaker 1:I just want to say that that voice might sound like logic or reason or common sense, but it's actually not true and it's probably holding you back from doing some pretty epic things that would change not just your life but the lives of the people around you, and it's diminishing you from reaching your full potential and it is making your life smaller, and you know what that might sound kind of harsh, and I'm not trying to be harsh, trust me. I have lived small a lot of my life and I totally understand the very compelling reasons why someone might do that and why many people live their whole lives doing that, and so this is not to shame anyone. On the contrary. If you are hearing this and it is resonating, take heart because you are alive and if you're alive, there's still time but I want you to think very soberly about the possibility that you, stepping in to some of these callings on your life, could actually impact the people around you so much that it would change not just your life but their lives too. And it's not your responsibility to change other people's lives, but it is your responsibility what you decide to do with what's in front of you. And so if any of this is resonating and you're looking for a place to start with what it would even look like to do something to align, here's one idea you could take a piece of paper, you could draw a line down the middle I think that's what I said last time to do too.
Speaker 1:But you can take a piece of paper, you can draw a line down the middle and, on one side, write the heaviest feeling beliefs that are weighing you down right now. If you're feeling stuck, if you are wanting to be 10 times bolder Now, if you're feeling stuck, if you are wanting to be 10 times bolder, but you just feel stuck, just start to write down all of the bad thoughts out loud, try and crystallize them, maybe get someone to even listen to you verbally process somebody who has capacity for it and that you know well hopefully not a stranger but get them to maybe help you put to words what it is that you're actually believing, whether it's. I never do what I say I'm going to do. I'm not creative, I don't have any good ideas, I'm too young, I'm too old, whatever it is, write it down. Write down all of it, Just verbally vomit.
Speaker 1:On the left side of the page, on the right side, bullet point by bullet point. I want you to write the exact opposite of whatever that negative thing is. So in my example, for the one next to I'm too old, I write I'm not too old, I'm the right age For I'm too young, I write I'm not too young, my time is now. Everything down the list. Write the exact opposite, whether or not you believe it's true, totally irrelevant at this point.
Speaker 1:Okay, once you have that all fleshed out, go ahead and read the left side again and the right side, and I want you to ask yourself which of these sounds like something that a loving friend would say to me, or a loving family member, or even God, if you don't believe that God's a scary, angry dad who's just going around pointing out everything wrong with you. It seems like a lot of people think that, but it's not true. I digress, though. So, anyways, which of those sounds more like a loving, kind person? Which of those feels more life-giving? And I'm going to say that whichever side feels more life-giving is actually the truth about who you are, and maybe there's areas where I say I don't do what I say I'm gonna do, and the right side is I do what I say I'm gonna do. Well, maybe right now I'm not living in alignment with that. Maybe right now I say I do things, then sometimes I don't do them. But doing this podcast is aligning with the truth that I do say what I'm going to do.
Speaker 1:I am creative, I am a creative person and I actually create. I live out my creativity by actually creating things consistently, and so me making this podcast and you doing whatever it is that you are wanting to do, that is aligning with the truth that you have just identified and that, my friend, is one way to get unstuck on the path of being bolder and expanding. So that is what has worked for me and that's all I can speak from is my experience, but I actually have done this exercise with other people, and I've seen them get real breakthrough from it too, and so I just want to leave you with this again. This is about you and your life and breaking out of mindsets that could be holding you back, but it's about so much more than you. It's also about the people around you who are going to be impacted by what you decide to do next your kids, your parents, your neighbors, your friends, strangers, who you have never met and will never meet but they're going to be impacted by the step that you take.
Speaker 1:Right now, there's no telling what can happen, and that's why it's called faith. Faith is what you do when you don't know the outcome. When I launched my podcast, I had no idea what would happen, and it's still very early. I still have no idea what will happen, but the stories that I've heard so far have confirmed to me that this was a step of faith that I took that is having fruit and it is impacting people's lives, and I believe that the best steps that we take are the ones that influence other people to change their lives too, because, ultimately, I think the most fulfilling purpose in life is something that's so much bigger than us, and if that's something that you're wanting, I believe that that desire is from God and that he actually wants it for you too. He actually wants even more for you than you do. So if any of this is resonating, I just want to encourage you that we all get a little stuck sometimes and it's gonna be okay.
Speaker 1:But a few things that you could ask yourself, just to recap, is what does margin look like in my life?
Speaker 1:Do I have margin?
Speaker 1:Am I able to slow down, to really get in touch with my own self, my heart, what I actually want, and if not, am I in survival mode?
Speaker 1:Is there something that I need to do to make myself feel a little bit more safe? Is there something I can take off my plate? What can I need to do to make myself feel a little bit more safe? Is there something I can take off my plate? What can I do to give myself a little bit more margin and space to really slow down and have the right conditions before I can even think about dreaming, even if life is looking really busy right now? What does it look like to take half an hour for yourself to slow down?
Speaker 1:Go for a walk, notice the birds outside, look for blues clues in your environment and just see what stands out to you and how can you have a little bit more grace for yourself, realizing that it takes time to build up that momentum, especially if you're over-functioning. And then what would it look like to do something to align with the truth of who you are, as opposed to stay focused on an outcome? I don't know what's going to happen when you step out in faith, but I do know that it'll be an interesting experience and I hope that you tell me about it. So that's all I have for today, and I just want to thank everyone again for listening and please continue to share your stories with me. I would love to stay in touch and find out what's resonating. And the other thing is, I would love it if you would send me any questions you have about the kinds of stuff that I'm talking about whether it's something that you feel stuck on or something that doesn't make sense or a potential topic for a future episode.
Speaker 1:It really gives me inspiration for what to talk about in future episodes. Finally, if you are enjoying this podcast, it would mean so much to me if you would consider subscribing, rating and reviewing the podcast wherever you listen to it, because that is what is going to help it grow and reach more people that need to hear it. Thanks again for tuning in and I will see you next time.
Speaker 2:Bye the key. Break free, take flight step by step. We break the cold. Here we go ten times. Fear is a shadow, but we shine bright. Turn the key. Break free, take flight step by step. We break the cold. Here we go. Ten times bold, ten times bolder, every day. Fear can't hold us. Fade away, rise above we're. Thank you.